Thursday, April 30, 2009


· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural

· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

· Life is sexually transmitted.

· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

1 comment:

Peggy said...

Ha, ha! I hadn't heard of those. Nice to put a smile on the face today.
I nominated you for a Renee Award, because your blog is so much fun. We need more recognition of bloggers like you!